Strava

First, a disclaimer. I do use Strava and have done for years, mostly with a premium account. Secondly, some info. For those who don’t know, Strava is an app that allows you to track physical exercise using the app itself or pairing it with a device that syncs to it. It’s mostly used by runners and cyclists but walking, stand up paddling, kite surfing, four types of skiing and yoga are all on there. Even crossfit, which seems to forsake technique and safe practice for intensity and even has its own world championships is on there, should you wish to show how good you are at gymnasiuming.

Now before I obviously take the piss, Strava does a lot of good things. For example they have something called Strava Metro which can be used by city planners to design cycling infrastructure. This is particularly needed in the UK where some cycle paths are laughingly bad, either by being too short and taking you right back into the flow of traffic or having large immovable objects such as trees or parked cars in them. And just by virtue of being an app that tracks physical movement, Strava is a good thing in a world of expanding waistlines. They also offer challenges and do champion a number of charities as well as private companies where completing certain challenges unlocks discounts and prizes (which I never win).

In May 2020, Strava announced that they would be changing their subscription model and that the features of the free version would be scaled back. This caused uproar from a number of users who for some reason thought they could pay fuck all for an app and get nearly all of the features. Strava is not a huge company (about 200 employees) and has never been an app that bombards the shit out of its users with adverts. So I think they do have the right to have a paid version that offers much more than the free version and if you don’t agree with that I suppose you could ask for a refund. Here you go, have that puff of air that you paid and blow it right up your own entitled arse. Or pay a few pounds a month and get everything back. I’m not on commission, as the next few paragraphs will demonstrate.

Now, my first gripe. Strava refers to its users as athletes. I know there are actual athletes that use it, like professional cyclists. However I do not regard myself as an athlete. I do enjoy exercise but the main reason I do it is to try and stay fit rather than trying to secure a spot on Team Ineos or training for the next Olympics. When I am absolutely blowing out of my arse on a canal towpath dodging dog shit as I head back home after running for a few miles I do not feel like an athlete. I feel like a middle-aged man with dodgy shins whose main motivation for not collapsing into the canal is to limp home for a large pint of beer. I am a user.

Next, when you are out exercising there are sections called segments. These can be anything from a bit of a footpath for runners to a bit of the road for cyclists. They are pretty arbitrary and usually have obscure names that only mean something to the creator. When you complete a segment and are a paid-up member rather than a tightarse you can see how long it took you to complete the segment compared to the other Strava, ahem, athletes. And if you are the fastest in the whole world you get a King (or Queen) of the Mountain digital trophy crown award to show to, er, yourself? Assuming you didn’t just drive up the segment or your GPS unit had a seizure and recorded you galloping through the segment at the speed of sound. Either of which will get you reported by the way so watch out. Additionally, with the recent emergence of e-bikes, athletes have also been complaining that their digital trophy sash medals are being swiped away from them by someone using an assisted vehicle. I know, outrageous! Poor Steve trained for months to complete that segment that goes past the cemetery before turning left at Lidl faster than anyone else in the whole world. Steve even employed a coach that stood by the post box on that corner so he could bark instructions at him, throw him a flapjack, wave a massive Union Jack flag and blow his whistle if necessary. It’s not right!

The other digital prize laurel medal you can win is by completing the same segment more than anyone else in the last 90 days. Only this time, the title bestowed on you is ‘Local Legend.’ It’s almost become a bit of a cliché to say that the word legend is bandied about too easily these days but I think in this case, it may have reached its nadir. For example, Neil Armstrong: war veteran, test pilot and first human to walk on the Moon: legend. Albert Einstein: physicist who fundamentally changed the way we look at the Universe by describing how light works, proving the existence of molecules and explaining the nature of space and time: legend. Steve, who lost his King of the Mountain award to an 85 year old on an e-bike, at least managed to complete the cemetery-Aldi segment 43 times in the last 90 days: legend? Well you decide.

Strava has occasionally got into trouble due to privacy concerns. The most famous is probably when soldiers at a USA military base in Bagram, Afghanistan were unwittingly revealing information about the base. This is because Strava released a global heatmap showing where their athletes were exercising. It’s unclear whether there were any segments at the base but I can’t imagine if any local insurgents were trying to get the King of the Mountain that the soldiers at the base would just wave them on. Shooting at them might inadvertently help the insurgent athlete though, I suppose nothing motivates your legs to move quicker than having bullets fired at you.

There have also been privacy concerns at an individual level, particularly as people generally start exercising from their house and can even add gear so if you don’t lock your activity privacy down you are telling everyone where you live and what brand of bike you have. Combine this with the (now opt-in) FlyBy feature which tells you which other athletes you have passed when exercising and that is actually quite a bit of information you are giving up. I’m not saying don’t engage with the app but just like every other app with any social aspect, be aware of how much you are sharing. Unless you are sharing that you are King (or Queen) of the Mountain baby! Tell the world about that shit! Just don’t tell Steve, he is still upset.